Monday, December 14, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
Save Water, Earth, Life
Friday, October 09, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Typical response from the government department - Most Hilarious
A team comprising of a writer, a producer, a director, etc applied to the Government of India with a script to produce a movie on Mahabarat.
All of them committed suicide later and the reason is very obvious.
They received a letter from Government, The letter is
Subject: Mahabharata
To:
The Writer, Film Director & Film Producer,
Mumbai
Ref: Film story submitted by you, regarding financing of films byGovernment of India, Your letter dt. ............ ......... .
The undersigned is directed to refer the above letter and state that the Government has examined your proposal for financing a film called ''Mahabharat' . The Very High Level Committee constituted for this purpose has been in consultation with the Human Rights Commission, National Commission for Women and Labour Commission, in addition to various Ministries and State Governments and have formed definitive opinions about the script. Their observations are as below:
1. In the script submitted by you it is shown that there were two sets of cousins, namely, the Kauravas, numbering one hundred, and the Pandavas, numbering five. The Ministry of Health and Family Welfare has pointed out that these numbers are high, well above the norm prescribed for families by them. It is brought to your kind attention that when the Government is spending huge amounts for promoting family planning, this will send wrong signals to the public. Therefore, it is recommended that there may be only three Kauravas and one Pandava.
2. The Ministry of Parliamentary Affairs has raised an issue whether it is suitable to depict kings and emperors in this democratic age. Therefore, it is suggested that the Kauravas may be depicted as Honourable Members of Parliament (Lok Sabha) and the Pandava may be depicted as Honourable Member of Parliament (Rajya Sabha). The ending of the film shows the victory of the said Pandavas over the said Kauravas. The ending may be suitably modified so that neither of the Honourable Members of Parliament are shown as being inferior to the
other.
3. The Ministry of Science and Technology has observed that the manner of birth of Kauravas is suggestive of human cloning, a technology banned in India. This may be changed to normal birth.
4. The National Commission for Women has objected that the father of Pandavas, one Sri Pandu, is depicted as bigamous, and also there is only one wife for the Pandavas in common. Therefore suitable changes may be made in the said script so that the said Sri Pandu is not depicted as bigamous. However, with the reduction in number of Pandavas as suggested above, the issue of polyandry can be addressed without further trouble.
5. The Commission for the Physically Challenged has observed that the portrayal of the visually impaired character 'Dhritharastra' is derogatory. Therefore the said character may not be shown as visually impaired.
6. The Department of Women and Child Development have highlighted that the public disrobing of one female character called 'Draupadi' is objectionable and derogatory to women in general. Further the Home Ministry anticipates that depiction of such scenes may create law and order problem and at the same time invite strong protests from the different women forums. Such scenes may also invite penal action under SITA (Suppression of Immoral Traffic Act), therefore they may be avoided and deleted from the film.
7. It is felt that showing the Pandava and the Kauravas as gamblers will be anti-social and counter productive as it might encourage gambling. Therefore, the said Pandava and Kauravas may be shown to have engaged in horse racing. (Hon. Supreme Court has held horse racing not to be gambling)
8. The Pandavas are shown as working in the King Virat's employment without receiving any salary. According to the Human Rights Commission, this amounts to bonded labour and may attract provisions of The Bonded Labour System (Abolition) Act, 1976. This may be corrected at once.
9. In the ensuing war, one character by name Sri Abhimanyu has been shown as fighting. The National Labour Commission has observed that, war being a hazardous industry, and the said character being 16 years old, this depiction will be construed as a case of child labour. Also there is no record of his being paid any compensation. This may also be deemed to be violatory of the provisions of The Child Labour (Prohibition and Regulation) Act, 1986 and Minimum Wages Act, 1948. Such references in the film may be removed.
10. The character 'Sri Krishna' has been depicted as wearing a peacock feather. The peacock is our National Bird and wearing dresses made from peacock feather is an offence under the Wild Life Protection Act, 1972. This may not be depicted
11. Smt Maneka Gandhi has raised very serious objection for using any elephants or horses in war scenes, since there is every scope for mistreatment and injury to the said animals. The provisions of the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Act, 1890 and Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (Amendment) Act, 1960 would be applicable in the instant case. Suitable changes may be made in the script to address the objections raised.
12. In pursuance of the Memorandum of Ministry of Finance regarding austerity measures, it is informed that in the battle field sequences, only ten soldiers may be allowed for each side. Also, all the characters may be shown to have obtained a valid licence under the Arms Act, 1959 as well as the Indian Arms Act, 1878.
You are therefore requested to modify the script along the lines indicated above and resubmit it to the undersigned at the earliest for reconsideration.
Sd/- Under Secretary
Friday, August 28, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Jeff Goldblum interfers the news reporting of his death
| The Colbert Report | Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c | |||
| Jeff Goldblum Will Be Missed | ||||
| www.colbertnation.com | ||||
| ||||
Monday, August 10, 2009
How to reduce stress
Stress eats up your time and energy. It is must to you outcome of the stressed situation and concentrate on the healthy living. Here are some DO’s and Don’ts to avoid the stressful life.
1. Prepare for the morning the night before to avoid last minute confusion
2. Wake up 15 minutes earlier
3. Avoid relying on chemical aids
4. Avoid tight fitting clothes
5. Don't rely on your memory (even if it is strong) ... write it down
6. Set appointments well in advance
7. Make duplicate keys to make sure you do not need to stand outside waiting for the mechanic to break the lock.
8. Practice preventive maintenance
9. Set priorities in your life
10. Say "no" more often instead of getting failed
11. Avoid negative people
12. Use time wisely, it once gone, never comes back at any cost
13. Always make copies of important documents
14. Simplify meal times
15. Anticipate your needs
16. Repair anything that doesn't work properly
17. Break large tasks into bite size portions
18. Ask for help with the jobs you dislike
19. Look at problems as challenges and accept it with brave heart
20. Look at challenges differently
21. Unclutter your life
22. Smile, smile and smile
23. Be prepared for rain
24. Tickle a baby
25. No need to know all the answers
26. Pet a friendly dog/cat
27. Look for a silver lining
28. Say something nice to someone and listen back
29. Walk in the rain
30. Teach a kid to fly a kite
31. Schedule play time into every day
32. Take a bubble bath
33. Be aware of the decisions you make
34. Stop saying negative things to yourself
35. Believe in yourself - It's a must
36. Visualize yourself winning
37. Develop your sense of humor
38. Stop thinking tomorrow will be a better today
39. Have goals for yourself
40. Dance a jig
41. Say "hello" to a stranger
42. Ask a friend for a hug (Not at the time of swine flue)
43. Read a poem
44. Practice breathing slowly, it really works
45. Learn to whistle a tune
46. Look up at the stars
47. Listen to a symphony
48. Buy yourself a flower
49. Read a story curled up in bed
50. Do a brand new thing
51. Stop a bad habit
52. Watch a ballet
53. Put safety first
54. Find support from others
55. Ask someone to be your "vent-partner"
56. Do it today
57. Work at being cheerful and optimistic
58. Take time to smell the flowers
59. Do everything in moderation
60. Pay attention to your appearance
61. Strive for Excellence NOT perfection
62. Stretch your limits a little each day
63. Look at a work of art
64. Hum a jingle
65. Maintain your weight
66. Plant a tree
67. Feed the birds
68. Practice grace under pressure
69. Stand up and stretch
70. Always have a plan "B"
71. Learn a new doodle
72. Memorize a joke and say it to others at an appropriate time
73. Be responsible for your feelings
74. Learn to meet your own needs
75. Become a better listener
76. Know your limitations and let others know them too
77. Tell someone to have a good day in other language
78. Throw a paper airplane
79. Exercise every day
80. Take a different route to work, it is one of the saftey measures too
81. Get to work early
82. Clean out one closet
83. Play patty cake with a toddler
84. Go on a picnic and make sure you have kept all your worries at bay while in picnic
85. Learn the words to a new song
86. Leave work early (with permission - and only if the point no. 81 is fulfilled)
87. Put air freshener in your car
88.. Watch a movie and eat popcorn
89. Write a note to a far away friend
90. Go to a ball game and scream
91. Keep a journal
92. Recognize the importance of unconditional love
93. Remember that stress is an attitude
94. Cook a meal and eat it by candlelight
95. Practice a monster smile
96. Freely praise other people
97. Have a support network of people, places and things
98. Quit trying to fix other people
99. Get enough sleep
100. Talk less and listen more
101. Remember you always have options
8 Billion years in 8 minutes
Trust Thyself!!
Trust thyself
You did what you knew how to do....
It wasn't right or wrong or good or bad. It just was.
But all you have got is today. You will not get it back.
To change yourself, look at what you fear and what you hate.
Start There. What is over is over.
If someone you love fails to return your love the way you would like it returned,
remember....that is the other person's choice.
It does not at all detract from your love. It could be opposit with that person. He may expecting your love in the other way
Grow what you want to grow in your own garden.
Get your nose out of everybody else's garden.
Get your own house in order, and stop focusing on everybody else's.
Whatever is going on inside of you is up to you.
You own it all. You created it. whether good or bad - It is all yours.
All that you need in order to have total happiness, fulfilment, and love in your life, you already have right now.
Whoever you are. Wherever you are.
You must not attempt to will anything. You need only be willing.
Everything you ever worried about.... turned out exactly as it was meant to;
despite your worries to the contrary.
Each of us has a well of infinite depth within us, which contains more potential for love & bliss than we can ever imagine.
Remember.....
No one can make you anxious.
No one can depress you.
No one can hurt your feelings.
No one can make you feel anything other than what you allow inside.
No one can make you feel inferior
With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself......or treat what has happened as a gift.
Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing.
You get to choose.
When you argue for your limitations, all you get are your limitations.