Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Typical response from the government department - Most Hilarious

A team comprising of a writer, a producer, a director, etc applied to the Government of India with a script to produce a movie on Mahabarat.

All of them committed suicide later and the reason is very obvious.

They received a letter from Government, The letter is

Subject: Mahabharata

To:

The Writer, Film Director & Film Producer,

Mumbai

Ref: Film story submitted by you, regarding financing of films byGovernment of India, Your letter dt. ............ ......... .

The undersigned is directed to refer the above letter and state that the Government has examined your proposal for financing a film called ''Mahabharat' . The Very High Level Committee constituted for this purpose has been in consultation with the Human Rights Commission, National Commission for Women and Labour Commission, in addition to various Ministries and State Governments and have formed definitive opinions about the script. Their observations are as below:

1. In the script submitted by you it is shown that there were two sets of cousins, namely, the Kauravas, numbering one hundred, and the Pandavas, numbering five. The Ministry of Health and Family Welfare has pointed out that these numbers are high, well above the norm prescribed for families by them. It is brought to your kind attention that when the Government is spending huge amounts for promoting family planning, this will send wrong signals to the public. Therefore, it is recommended that there may be only three Kauravas and one Pandava.

2. The Ministry of Parliamentary Affairs has raised an issue whether it is suitable to depict kings and emperors in this democratic age. Therefore, it is suggested that the Kauravas may be depicted as Honourable Members of Parliament (Lok Sabha) and the Pandava may be depicted as Honourable Member of Parliament (Rajya Sabha). The ending of the film shows the victory of the said Pandavas over the said Kauravas. The ending may be suitably modified so that neither of the Honourable Members of Parliament are shown as being inferior to the

other.

3. The Ministry of Science and Technology has observed that the manner of birth of Kauravas is suggestive of human cloning, a technology banned in India. This may be changed to normal birth.

4. The National Commission for Women has objected that the father of Pandavas, one Sri Pandu, is depicted as bigamous, and also there is only one wife for the Pandavas in common. Therefore suitable changes may be made in the said script so that the said Sri Pandu is not depicted as bigamous. However, with the reduction in number of Pandavas as suggested above, the issue of polyandry can be addressed without further trouble.

5. The Commission for the Physically Challenged has observed that the portrayal of the visually impaired character 'Dhritharastra' is derogatory. Therefore the said character may not be shown as visually impaired.

6. The Department of Women and Child Development have highlighted that the public disrobing of one female character called 'Draupadi' is objectionable and derogatory to women in general. Further the Home Ministry anticipates that depiction of such scenes may create law and order problem and at the same time invite strong protests from the different women forums. Such scenes may also invite penal action under SITA (Suppression of Immoral Traffic Act), therefore they may be avoided and deleted from the film.

7. It is felt that showing the Pandava and the Kauravas as gamblers will be anti-social and counter productive as it might encourage gambling. Therefore, the said Pandava and Kauravas may be shown to have engaged in horse racing. (Hon. Supreme Court has held horse racing not to be gambling)

8. The Pandavas are shown as working in the King Virat's employment without receiving any salary. According to the Human Rights Commission, this amounts to bonded labour and may attract provisions of The Bonded Labour System (Abolition) Act, 1976. This may be corrected at once.

9. In the ensuing war, one character by name Sri Abhimanyu has been shown as fighting. The National Labour Commission has observed that, war being a hazardous industry, and the said character being 16 years old, this depiction will be construed as a case of child labour. Also there is no record of his being paid any compensation. This may also be deemed to be violatory of the provisions of The Child Labour (Prohibition and Regulation) Act, 1986 and Minimum Wages Act, 1948. Such references in the film may be removed.

10. The character 'Sri Krishna' has been depicted as wearing a peacock feather. The peacock is our National Bird and wearing dresses made from peacock feather is an offence under the Wild Life Protection Act, 1972. This may not be depicted

11. Smt Maneka Gandhi has raised very serious objection for using any elephants or horses in war scenes, since there is every scope for mistreatment and injury to the said animals. The provisions of the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Act, 1890 and Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (Amendment) Act, 1960 would be applicable in the instant case. Suitable changes may be made in the script to address the objections raised.

12. In pursuance of the Memorandum of Ministry of Finance regarding austerity measures, it is informed that in the battle field sequences, only ten soldiers may be allowed for each side. Also, all the characters may be shown to have obtained a valid licence under the Arms Act, 1959 as well as the Indian Arms Act, 1878.

You are therefore requested to modify the script along the lines indicated above and resubmit it to the undersigned at the earliest for reconsideration.

Sd/- Under Secretary

Friday, June 06, 2008

few jokes collected from net

Phone Number

Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?".

Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".

Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".

Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".

 

Are you relaxing?

A sardarji was resting in a beach one day. Then a foreigner calls him and ask: Are you Relaxing?

Then sardarji said: no, no I am Santha Singh. He again takes rest.

Then another foreigner calls him and ask again the same question: Are you Relaxing?

Sardarji again: no…… I am Santha Singh…

He become very angry. He looked here and there and found one foreigner was resting there…

He went and call him “hello, Are you relaxing?

The foreigner said: yes I am relaxing.

By hearing this Sardarji took and beat him

Then said: you sleep here calmly. There are so many people finding you….

 

To kill ants here is a great tip:

Touch some chilly powder on sugar and give it to ant. Since ants like sugar that much they ate it. But there is chilly powder over the sugar. Isn’t it? Ant can’t tolerate. He ran to well or water tank that is available to drink some water. Next is your job. Follow the ant slowly, carefully without making a drop of sound. When you reach very behind of ant pick his legs and pull him into the well or tank….

Monday, November 26, 2007

Saturday, April 29, 2006

nice joke

Once in America a plane crashed, only a monkey who was traveling in the plane was left alive. Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions. The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey.

 

Officer: "When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?"

 Monkey: "Tying their belts"

 Officer: "What were the airhostesses doing?"

 Monkey: "Saying Hello! Good morning!"

 Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"

  Monkey: "Checking the system"

 Officer: "What were you doing?"

 Monkey: "Looking for my people"

  Officer: "After 10' minutes what were the travelers doing?"

 Monkey: "Having beverages and snacks"

 Officer: "What were the airhostesses doing?"

  Monkey: "Serving the travelers"

 Officer: "What were the Pilots doing?"

 Monkey: "Handling the steering"

 Officer: "What were you doing?"

 Monkey: "Eating & throwing"

 Officer: "After 30 minutes what were the travelers doing?"

 Monkey: "Some were sleeping and some were reading"

 Officer: "What were the airhostesses doing?"

  Monkey: "Make up"

 Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"

 Monkey: "Handling the steering"

 Officer: "What were you doing?"

 Monkey: "Nothing"

 Officer: "Just before plane crash what were the travelers doing?"

Monkey: "All were sleeping"

  Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"

 Monkey: "Handling the air hostess"

 Officer: What were you doing?

  Monkey: Handling the steering!!!!!

 

  No more Questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, March 27, 2006

nice joke

Pecans in the Cemetery

on the outskirts of a small town,there was a big,

old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

"One for you, one for me.

One for you, one for me," said one boy.

Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery.

He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough,

he heard,

"One for you, one for me.

One for you, one for me."

He just knew what it was.

He jumped back on his bike and rode off.

Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls."

The man said, "Beat it kid,

can't you see it's hard for me to walk."

When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..."

The old man whispered,

"Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth.

Let's see if we can see the Lord." Shaking with fear,

they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything.

The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard,

"One for you, one for me.

That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done."

They say the old man made

it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the kid on the bike.